O-H-I-O

Today must be Ohio day. I got 2 Ohio emails today. Now, I have gotten both of these before, but many of you not from Ohio may never see them; so I decided to post them for all to enjoy! Thanks Barb and Joanne for sending them.

THE CREATION OF OHIO

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days.

Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth, "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over here I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a large land mass and said, " What's that one?"

"Ah," said God. "That's Ohio , the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, sunsets and rolling hills. The people from Ohio are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hard working and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God?" "You said there would be balance!"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I'm putting around them in West Virginia, Michigan, Indiana, Pennsylvania and Kentucky!

Jeff Foxworthy on Ohio

You might be from Ohio (pronounced O-hi-uh), if:

• You think all Pro football teams are supposed to wear orange!
• You know all the 4 seasons: winter, still winter, almost winter and construction.
• You live less than 30 miles from some college or university.
• You know what a buckeye really is, and have a recipe for candied ones.
• 'Toward the lake' means 'north' and 'toward the river' means 'south.'
• You know if other Ohioans are from southern or northern Ohio as soon as they open their mouths.
• You can spell words like Cuyahoga, Olentangy, Bellefontaine, Tuscarawas, Wapakoneta and you know which letter is doubled in Cincinnati .
• 'Vacation! ' means spending a day at Cedar Point in the summer and deer hunting in the fall.
• You measure distance in minutes.
• Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
• Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
• You've had to switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day. (Or, if you have no A/C! - added by Meredith)
  
• You know what should be knee-high by the Fourth of July.
• You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. For example: 'Where's my coat at?'
• You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
• You think of the major four food groups as corn, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
• You carry jumper cables in your car.
• You know what 'pop' is.
• You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
• Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. (Amen!)
• You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightgown.
• The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires six pages for sports.